And I was afraid to attend my own award ceremony because my mother-in-law needed green beans.
That should have made me angry.
Mostly, it exhausted me.
My phone rang.
Denise.
I answered.
Hi, where are you?
Almost there.
Silence.
Then, Clare.
I closed my eyes.
I pulled over.
I knew it.
How?
Because I know you.
That irritated me.
Apparently, everybody knows me today.
You sound cranky.
I am cranky.
Good. Means you’re still alive.
I stared through the windshield.
I’m thinking about going back.
Denise waited before asking, “Why?”
Because maybe I’m making too much of this.
Your mother-in-law cut up your dress.
I know.
On purpose.
Yes.
With scissors.
Denise, I’m reviewing the evidence.
I rubbed my forehead.
She’s 76.
So?
Mark’s angry.
Also, so?
Everybody’s there.
Denise sighed.
Clare, listen to me.
I waited.
That part of you that wants to turn around, she’s had the steering wheel for 23 years.
I gave a weak laugh.
Very poetic.
I’m not finished.
Of course not.
Let somebody else drive for 10 minutes.
I looked at my hands.
Then Denise added, “Also, I spent $40 getting that dress dry cleananed and I expect a return on my investment.”
That got me.
I laughed.
Actually laughed.
All right.
All right.
What I’m going good, bossy.
You created me.
I started the car.
By the time I reached downtown, I was late enough to feel anxious but early enough that nobody noticed.
The Ohio theater lobby was busy without being chaotic.
Volunteers carried clipboards. Others carried garment bags. Someone tested a camera by the entrance.
A man wearing a headset directed me toward registration.
The ordinary details helped.
Sign here. Badge there. Makeup touchup at 5:10. Sound check at 5:30.
For nearly 20 minutes, Patricia disappeared from my thoughts.
I answered questions, smiled for a photo, and let a woman named Kelsey fix some powder beneath my left eye.
At one point she stepped back and commented on how nervous I looked.
Then she smiled.
“Good means you care. I’d heard versions of that sentence before. That night, I believed it.”
At 5:18, Sam Ortega appeared.
