She paused.
“At least, that’s what we called it.”
Her voice had changed.
“We carried everything for her. Told her not to cook. Told her not to clean. Every holiday, if she stood up, someone immediately said, ‘Mom, sit down. We’ve got it.’”
Susan stared at her hands.
“We thought we were taking care of her.”
Nobody spoke.
“Then one Thanksgiving, the last one before she died, I brought her coffee in the living room.”
Susan swallowed.
“She looked at me and said, ‘Susie, all of you have made me feel useless.’”
Mom lowered the book.
Susan’s eyes were wet now.
“She said we had decided she was old before she was. Every time we told her to sit down, she heard that nobody needed her anymore.”
Susan’s voice broke slightly.
“That she didn’t have any purpose anymore.”
Her mother died four months later.
“And I never got to apologize.”
The deck was silent.
“So when Maggie told me this house was becoming harder but also kept saying how much she loved having everyone here, I thought I understood.”
Susan looked at Mom.
“I thought, I’m not going to make the same mistake. I’m going to let her host. Let her feel needed.”
I looked at her.
“So you thought letting her wait on you constantly was helping her?”
“I thought letting her host the way she wanted was helping.”
And for one uncomfortable second, I almost understood.
Almost.
A woman traumatized by the feeling that she had taken away her own mother’s independence.
A woman determined not to repeat that mistake.
She had swung too far in the opposite direction.
Almost understandable.
Then I remembered the flowers.
“What does any of that have to do with leaving your coffee cup on the deck every morning?”
Susan said nothing.
“Or making her drive forty minutes because you don’t like her mayonnaise?”
Still nothing.
“Or telling her where she can put her own flowers in her own house?”
Susan’s expression changed.
Mom looked down.
“Maybe the first weekend, you genuinely thought letting her cook made her feel needed.”
I nodded.
“Maybe the second weekend too.”
Then I looked directly at Susan.
“But that isn’t why you eventually stopped saying thank you.”
Susan opened her mouth.
