If I cared so much, I should have reminded him.

And, of course, adults weren’t supposed to care about birthdays anyway.

Curiously, his mother never forgot his.

Lorna called him shortly after midnight every year and sang the entire birthday song.

Slowly.

Enthusiastically.

She had never once called me on mine, despite the fact that I had been married to her son for years.

Lorna had also informed me more than once that women who made a big deal about birthdays were needy.

Desmond’s sister Bridget seemed to share that philosophy.

Every year, Bridget posted an enormous tribute to her brother online.

Childhood photographs.

Heart emojis.

Long paragraphs describing how fortunate the world was to contain Desmond.

When my birthday came around, Bridget usually posted about bread, exercise, candles, or whatever else occupied her attention that week.

Still, I kept trying.

Every year, I bought Desmond presents.

I booked restaurants.

I remembered his favorite cake.

I contacted his friends.

I coordinated plans with Lorna, who always had endless suggestions and almost never offered actual help.

I wrapped his gifts carefully because apparently handing a grown man fishing equipment inside a gift bag would constitute a marital crime.

Once, partly as a joke, I asked,

“So what are you getting me for my birthday?”

Desmond looked me directly in the eyes.

“You already have the best gift.”

“What?”

“Being married to me.”

I waited for the smile.

It never came.

By my ninth forgotten birthday, something inside me had finally changed.

That year, my birthday fell on a Thursday.

I took the day off work without telling Desmond.

Instead of sitting at home waiting to discover whether he remembered, I drove across town and booked myself a spa day.

I paid for it using money from a private savings account.

For nearly a year, I had been quietly moving small amounts into it.

Twenty dollars.

Thirty dollars.

Nothing dramatic.

I wasn’t planning some secret escape.

At least not then.

I simply wanted one thing in my life that belonged only to me.

I got a massage.

Sat in the steam room.

Ate lunch alone.