I said: the contractor assessment is complete. I’ll send you that too.
She said: okay.
She said: the pillows.
I said: I cleaned them. They’ll be all right.
She said: I’m glad.
She said: I’m really sorry about the spice jars.
This surprised me.
She said: the photograph in the box. Of the jars in the correct order. I looked at her handwriting on the labels. And I thought about someone being careful enough to organize them that way. And someone else just moving them without caring.
She said: I was the someone who didn’t care. That was me.
I said: yes.
She said: that feels bad.
I said: yes. It should.
She said: not in a punishing way. Just. It feels bad to be that person.
I said: I know.
She said: I don’t want to be that person.
I said: good.
She said: the dried flower.
I said: yes.
She said: I’m keeping it.
I said: all right.
She said: not as a punishment. Because I need to remember.
I said: that’s a good reason to keep something.
She was quiet.
She said: I know we’re not close. You and me. I always assumed you didn’t like me.
I said: I didn’t dislike you. I found you difficult.
She laughed slightly, and it was a real laugh, not the defensive one.
She said: yes. I am difficult.
I said: you’re getting less difficult this week.
She said: at significant cost.
I said: yes.
She said: thank you for not involving lawyers.
I said: I was considering it.
She said: I believe you.
She said: the letter. What you wrote about Frances.
I said: yes.
She said: she sounds like someone I would have liked to know.
I said: she was someone everyone who knew her was glad they knew.
She said: I’m sorry I didn’t treat her house the way she would have wanted.
I said: she’s not here to be sorry to. I’m here.
She said: I’m sorry to you.
I said: I know.
She said: I mean it.
I said: I can tell.
She said: that’s the first time you’ve said something nice to me in six years.
I said: you haven’t given me many reasons.
She said: no. I haven’t.
She said: can we start over?
I said: start over is a complicated phrase.
She said: what would you prefer?
I said: continue differently.
She said: yes. That.
I said: yes.
She said: I’ll transfer the money when you send the invoices.
I said: thank you.
She said: and. When the garden is planted.
I said: yes.
She said: can I see it?
I said: call first.
She said: of course.
I said: yes. When the garden is planted, you can come and see it.
We said goodbye.
I put the phone on the counter.
I stood in the kitchen of the house in town, the one Thomas and I lived in, and I thought about Frances’s kitchen at the lake with the cast iron in order of size and the spice jars in her handwriting.
Thomas appeared in the doorway.
He said: was that Kelsey?
I said: yes.
He said: how did it go?
I said: it went.
He said: what does that mean?
I said: it means I think she understood.
He said: what did you put in that box?
I told him.
He listened.
When I finished, he said: the journal pages.
I said: yes.
He said: August third.
I said: yes.
He said: she wrote that she thought you saw it.
I said: yes.
He said: she was right.
I said: I know.
He looked at me.
He said: I should have been there. To make sure the conditions were met.
I said: yes.
He said: instead of.
I said: Thomas. The hospital was the right choice. Carol needed someone there.
He said: yes. But someone else could have been with Carol. And I could have been at the lake house.
