“I can’t spend the rest of my life avoiding every road because your father isn’t here to take it with me.”
She kissed my cheek and climbed onto the bike.
Three hours later, Mom returned with flattened hair, pink cheeks, and a smile I hadn’t seen in months.
Connor handed her a small paper bag.
“You forgot this.”
Mom snatched it from him.
“You forgot this.”
“What’s in there?”
“Nothing you need.”
That was the first secret.
Connor came almost every Saturday.
Mom started baking again.
One morning, I found her putting a lemon cake into a box.
That was the first secret.
“Is Connor getting that?”
“No.”
“Then who is?”
She closed the box.
“Someone with excellent taste.”
Another Saturday, she put on lipstick before he arrived.
“Is Connor getting that?”
“Should I be worried?”
Mom capped the tube.
“Something should’ve happened a long time ago.”
I straightened.
“What does that mean?”
She looked at me in the mirror.
“Should I be worried?”
“Have you ever waited so long to apologize that the apology starts feeling selfish?”
I stopped smiling.
“Who did you hurt?”
Mom picked up her purse.
“I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”
“Mom.”
Connor’s motorcycle sounded outside.
“Who did you hurt?”
She kissed my cheek and left.
Then Mom’s health changed.
One Saturday, she stopped halfway across the living room, pressing a hand to her chest.
Two weeks of appointments later, we learned her heart was failing.
After that, Connor sometimes arrived in his truck instead of on the motorcycle.
One afternoon, I met Mom at the front door before she could leave.
Then Mom’s health changed.
“You’re staying home today.”
“Move, Mia.”
“You get short of breath walking to the mailbox.”
“Connor knows what’s happening. I need this.”
Connor stood beside the truck but didn’t interfere.
“I already lost Dad,” I said. “I can’t lose you because you’re determined to prove you can still do everything you did before.”
“You’re staying home today.”
“I’m not trying to prove anything.”
“Then tell me what these Saturdays are about.”
She looked past me toward Connor.
For the first time, I saw fear on her face.
